Taking chances

Have you ever experienced losing someone? Not because he/she died but because you let that chance slip away? You liked that guy but you did something stupid, enough for him to hate you so much. I did that a couple of years ago. I let that chance slip away. I did something stupid and he hated me after that. Talking about him makes me feel uncomfortable. Makes me a bit uneasy recalling what I did to him. I would not elaborate on what I did to him I don’t think I can explain it that well, whatever I did, it was stupid. I never thought that I would regret what I did to him even after almost three years. I’m stupid, I know. Why did I do that? I always asked myself that question ever since we “parted ways”‘. I felt sad during that moment, I feel even more sad recalling that moment. What would have happened if I did not do that stupid thing? Would we be together? Would he become my boyfriend? If we were together, would we still be together? I ask all those questions every time I remember him. I feel ashamed I did that to him. He was a nice guy, he was almost ideal, to me. I can’t believe I did that to him. I am lost of words to explain what I feel right now. All I can think of is that I’m stupid. I think I am paying my karma right now because of what I did to him. My friends would surely know what I’m telling about karma even without me explaining it to them.

My elective for literature professor told us that in our life we would meet our “karmic soul”.

While other soul mates come into your life for intimate reasons, not so the karmic soul mates; for they are the ones who come into your life to teach you something about yourself or help you with a particular task.

(Source: Karmic Soul Mate) It explains more about karmic soul.

I would like to believe that he is my karmic soul. He came into my life to teach me something. Even if I sulk here thinking of him, karmic souls are not bound to be together. We would have connection but nothing else. He came into my life to teach me something important. If you’re gonna ask me, did I learn from it? Yes, of course. Even in his short stint in my life I learned a lot from him.

I want him to read this, I just don’t know how to tell him to read this. Hopefully, one day he’ll just stumble upon this blog and read this. If ever he gets a chance to read this, I want to say SORRY to him. I know what I did is stupid, what I did is wrong. I’m really, really sorry. And I also want to thank you. Even in that short moment with you, I was really (truly) happy. Thank you for teaching me things in life. Experience is the best teacher, I have proven that one because of you. As cliche as it may seem, but it’s true. I hope one day we’ll meet again. If ever we meet again, I’ll first say sorry to you and then I’ll thank you. Next time there’ll be no pretensions, no lies, everything will be for real. I really would like to talk to you someday and laugh at how stupid I was, I hope that it would come true.

I hope I’ve already paid for my karma. I’ve already learned my lesson. I think it’s already the right time to find the person that will truly make happy.

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