Another pathetic rant

I feel like I am left behind. Yes this is another rant on my life is so pathetic and I still don’t have a permanent job until now. But then I realize, oh I had a job last month, only it was project-based and it is a part-time job. Should I feel awful for not having a permanent job? I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but I honestly can’t stop myself from feeling like this. My dad’s quite supportive of me. He always tells me to just pray and be patient. He also makes me feel better when he tells me that I already had a job. I am happy that even my brother’s always there for me. He told me that he’s praying that I already get a job and he gave me a hug when I told him how depressed I am for being just a bum. My mom on the other hand has been quite pushy about this issue. She always, as in ALWAYS tells me to apply to the two biggest television networks here in the country. She wants me to work in the media. As I have said in my posts before, I do not want to work in the media. Things change, my interests changed, so what should I do know? Honestly, I right now, I am picturing myself working in the corporate world. Very far from what I have pictured myself 4 years ago while filling up my college application form. Right now my mom’s not really helping me. She’s pushing me to something I do not want. This is so frustrating, because of being sure of what I want in my life, I get more confused with what is happening.

Another thing, I am not telling my friends what is happening to me. Only one person knows what the hell I am going through. Not that I am complaining, she has been helping me go through this tough times and she’s helping me sort things out. I am really thankful that she is even listening to me, because I know that have been ranting to her for quite sometime. I don’t want to bother my other friends. I know that they are busy and that also have other much more important stuff to focus on. But I seriously feel that I need my friends now more than ever. I have been keeping a lot from them and I don’t know what’s happening to them. I know it’s my fault. I just want to talk to them and tell them everything that has been bothering me. I also want to tell them how much i miss them. I just want to pour all my frustrations and regrets. I feel like if I don’t tell other people with what I am going through, I feel like I am going to explode. I feel pathetic. I know that nothing’s wrong with just telling my friend what I am going through, but I also need my other friends’ advise.

I am crying again. Lately, I’ve been too emotional. 😦