Never Ask Designers…

Story goes :

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the  graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email  correspondence…
Read from top to bottom….
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out  and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to  busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will  photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

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This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name  Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper  street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan

From: David Thorne
Date:Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject:Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was  sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or  tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work  at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and  alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed  by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”  Although I have two clients expecting completed work this  afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes  to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really  worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once,  having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and  bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small  but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without  socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks  from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all  feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named  Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’  t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat  down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and  snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and  strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two  inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven  with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked  that cat.

Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

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From:  Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a  movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From:  David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in  the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely  emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it  is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do  it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have  assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do  not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you  how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the  window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being  preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home  across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills  with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for  fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

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From:  Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows  the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing  missy off it? I just want it to say lost.


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Poster

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and  the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost  and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to  leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to  look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my  apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a  closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to  feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that  home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his  cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him.  Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to  collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes  on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your  detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That  cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From:  David Thorne
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met  any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better  cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange  cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a  car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a  costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset  hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to  walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been  my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced  with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge  neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same  with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date:   Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To:  Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What  did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you  please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether?  I have  to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date:  Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Posted Image

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

 

MAJOR LOL! Dying of laughter…hahahahahahaha

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